My troubles

Fear, something that every one have.
For me, i fear to approach my leader. I just dont feel comfortable talking to my leader. I can talk to every other people kinda comfortable but not so my leader. Dont get me wrong. I respect her. Its just that i find it hard to communicate with my leader.

Leaders are not easy to be. They have their job to do and we as disciples have our job to do. Leaders are people who are God chosen, to get the whole engine going.

Romans 12:4-5 "Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others."

Leaders are there to facilitate. I may have ideas to lead, but i cant lead and i face the fact. Instead, God always plan me with all kind of funny ideas. Not just one, but plentiful.

May be due to the past incident that i fear to voice out my plans to the leader.
May be because i fear rejection that i do not dare to voice it out.
or may be i am being selfish and not share with the plans.
I think i fear due to the past incident bah.

March holiday, one week, Pure Bonding for cell.
Although my exam is coming real soon, 9+ days left. I am thinking about the activities than the exam. I want to make the plan work. I have the entire vision on what is going to happen on March holiday

but.
this huge...BUT always stop me from really make the activities possible. I feared yet wanting this plans to be done. Haixz.
I do not know how to voice out. I do not know how to show the plan. I want to, but i dont know how.

How i wish that the leader view this now and i save myself from saying. Hmmm.

I am not doing too good spiritually this week. Kinda bad. I really want to reach out to God. I want to give my all to God and i did not. I want to report my QT every day. I want to be accountable to God's people. Yet, i did not do it. Feel kinda bad. I want to score for my exam. and now i am typing my blog. I do not want to skip school and today, i skipped school.

Davin ah, Davin....I also donno what to say about myself. I never actually like studying. I prefer hand on things. I visualise things better than memory work. If the module is hand on, i will score very well, But non of my module is hand on. Haixz. parent have nothing to say about me. I feel very sad upon that.

I love helping people. I love it. Even it take up alot of my time, i will do it. I want to help people not because of wanting people to see me so "lovely".NO, i never have this thought in mind. Helping people is my 2 hobby.

I really want to tell some people about this and work out together. Not just walking alone. United we stand, divided we fall. I love this statement. My dream for my cell group, Aspiration, To be united against the devil. Not being destroyed by it.

I can help people better may be God give me this ability to help. I have been through kinda alot of things. Good or bad. May be i need to find acceptance bah. Just like Naruto, the anime, He was outcast by every one, and he did not give up, he press on to strive for people to acknowledge his existence. I can feel the same way as Naruto do.

WHAT AM I DOING? I HAVE A LOST CENTERED MIND AND I AM NOT USING IT TO REACH OUT? I CANT BE LIKE THIS. SOMETHING GOT TO BE CHANGED.

God, be my potter despite all this things. I am of failure to the world. But i know that in your eye, i am NEVER a failure. God, Mold me, Change me, Used me, Walk beside me, I give my life to your hand Lord. I will be what ever you ask me to be lord. I am feeling very sad now lord. Feel me with your love. The unfailing love that you have. I love you. Psalm 32.
God help me. Talk to me lord. Be my engine. Urge me to study Lord.
God i want to hand up my trouble into your hands, I want to praise you in every thing i do. You are always amazing. Thank you Lord, in Jesus name i pray, AMEN!